I’ve been asked a lot over the past 5 weeks how can I smile through all the pain from the accident. Here are a few answers that I’ve given.
#1: I smile because God protected me and everyone around me during the accident.
#2: Wallowing in bed or at home has never been an option for me. Even during the first weeks after the accident, when my calf muscles felt like they were being shredded to pieces and I could hardly walk at all, I HAD to get up and move no matter how much pain… I was in. I was walking like Frankenstein’s Monster, But the point is, I was walking. I had to motivate myself to move, or the pain actually got worse. Even if it was just going out to the mailbox and back, I moved.
#3: If I wallowed or became unmotivated, it would keep God from working in me, in order to work through me. The details of the accident and how God’s hand was on me is such a powerful testimony.
Only one person had something negative to say when I told them about how God spared me. They said if God was truly with me, the accident never would have happened. My response was this: God WAS with me. It was Him who kept big rigs and other vehicles out of my path. It was Him who kept me from hitting a power transformer. Yes, He could have stopped the whole thing, BUT, He doesn’t interfere with Free Will. It was the fact that the driver of the car was #1: to close to me to stop in time and #2: she wasn’t paying attention to what was going on ahead of her.
Do I wish the accident had never happened? Absolutely! But it did happen and God spared my life, the life of the woman who hit me and the lives of everyone around me, as I was the only one who spun out of control across the lanes.
I was a little lonely after the accident, since I couldn’t go anywhere with out a car. I still freak out a bit on the freeway. Matthew and I went to Downtown Disney to meet up with an artist friend and her husband. When we left, I had Matthew drive. There were quite a few times that I would gasp because I felt he was too close to the car in front of us, or there was a car too close to the rear of my car (that’s a HUGE one for me at the moment), or I’d see something out of the corner of my eye. All typical reflexes from being in an accident. Matthew asked if I did that when I was driving. My response? No, because then I’m in control of driving.
I think I’m doing a bit better. We were on the road most of the day this past Saturday and I don’t think I let out a gasp more than a couple times. But, it will take time to be comfortable driving on the freeway again.
So, there you have it. Another piece of my testimony regarding the accident. I never had a doubt that God was with me. I will never doubt that God is with me always.